User:TheNinjaaa

I spend most of my time coming up with jokes that would work well in asdfmovie 6 and 7 if they come out. I email TomSka some of my ideas. All are listed here.

Guy1: Quick, shoot me in the FACE!!!

Guy2: RAINBOWS

Girl: When I grow up, I wanna go to the moon!

Guy: Why wait?

KICK



Girl: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Announcer: Desmond the Moon Bear

(Girl flies and lands on moon)

Desmond: How did you get here?

Girl: I like singing!

Guy: I like dancing!

Kid: I like grains.

(gets crushed by massive bread)

Kid: I like trains.

Bully: Well, I like trains too, so f--- off!

(Bully gets crushed by train)

(Bully's face fills screen) Bully: Hey, you know who's gay?

Bully: YOU. (The camera zooms out to reveal that the bully made the mistake of trying to bully the I Like Trains Kid.)

(Train kills bully without the kid saying anything.)

Guy: Hello, parking meter!

Parking meter: F--- OFF!!!

Kid: I like sprains.

Guy: OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Kid: I like drains.

Crowd: Ahhhhhh! (falls down giant drain)

Kid: I like nukes.

Guy: Wait, that doesn't even rhyme -

(Blows up)

Bully: Hey. You know who's gay? Y -

(Guy runs up behind bully) Guy: Quick, shoot me in the face!

Victim of Bully: Well, then this is a chance for you guys to check out my new camera!

BANG!!!

Victim: Oh, wait, this isn't a c -

Kid: I like trains.

Victim: Oh, no, no, no, no, WAIT -

Train: BANG

Clown: Haha! They said I could never teach that kid to drive!

Kid: I like trains.

Clown! Aahhhh -

(Train kills clown)

Guy: It worked! My time machine worked!

Caveman Kid: I like trains.

(Both are crushed by a foot) Historically Inaccurate Dinosaur: I am a Steg-O-Saurus!

(Train hits the dinosaur)

Girl who got kicked to the moon: When I grow up, I wanna go to the Earth?

Desmond: Why wait?

KICK Girl: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Harold: Ha ha ha ha. (Shows him watching asdfmovie3) I love these new young people shows.

Kid: (Gets run over by train instantly without him saying anything)

Guy: Quick, shoot me in the FACE!

Guy2: (whips out gun) CLICK CLICK

Guy2: wtf I loaded it this morning... (looks inside)

(Gets shot in the face)

Murderer: DIE, potato!

Potato: Not today.

(Guy walks up to them) Guy: WHY WAIT? (Kicks potato and murderer to the moon)

Potato and Murderer: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Murderer: DIE, potato!

Potato: Not today.

Murderer: ...

Potato: I got my foot massage in 3 minutes.

Murderer: How 'bout tomorrow?

Potato: 11:00 will work.

Murderer: Okay, see you around.

Announcer: Desmond the Moon Bear

Desmond: How did I -

Kid: I like trains.

Desmond: (Gets hit by train)

(Camera shows Desmond on the front of train) Desmond: How is it even POSSIBLE for a TRAIN to operate on the MOON!?!?

Murderer: DIE, potato!

Potato: Not today.

Murderer: Oh, I'm scared.

(Potato grows huge)

Potato: LEVEL UP

(Director (aka Tomska) runs on to the screen) Director: But that wasn't in the script! And that kid isn't in the script either!

Kid: I like trains.

Everyone except kid: Oh, no, no, no, no, WAIT -

(Everybody dies by train)

Murderer: DIE, potato!

Potato: Why?

Murderer: ...Uh, I'm gonna steal your wallet and ID so I can... um... enter your name in a sweepstakes!

Potato: Okay, that sounds reasonable.

SQUISH

Announcer: The Science Show!

Guy: Piano!

Kid: I like trains.

Guy: Awwwwww... So not cool, man.

(Piano crushes guy right as a train hits him)

Man1: Hey man check out my new train.

Man2: Ah that's pretty cool - Awwwww... There's a train there...

(Both are run over by train)

Jennifer: (Walks into room with Tomska) Chris, we have something to tell you.

Tomska: NO! We can't tell him that we're (whispers) dating! (Normal voice) Ah, just let me kill him. (Pulls out gun and Jennifer starts wrestling with Tom) Let me shoot him IN THE FACE!

Jennifer: No. No. Oh, Tom, NO!

Tom: If I shoot him we can make out1 It's gonna be so EASY!

Jennifer: THOMAS! TOM, NO!

(Both go outside) Jennifer: Chris will never find out about us.

Tom: So THAT'S what we're doing!

(Go inside) Tom: Chris, I know that this is hard for you to hear, but I AM DATING YOUR SISTER!

Chris: Yeah, that's fine. (Blood suddenly spurts from Chris' face as a gun sounds)

(Shows Tom pointing his gun at Chris) Tom: (Sarcastically) Whoops.

(Kid walks up to man) Kid: I like trains.

Man: You know, I've been hit by so many trains that it doesn't even hurt anymore. (Kid and man are then hit by train)

Boy: Math is fun!

(Kid walks up with an angry expression on his face) Kid: I like trains.

Boy: Awwwwwww... I don't think that kid likes math...

(Is immediately hit by train)

Announcer: The Science Show

Guy: Hey, kids! No more getting hit by pianos today! We're going to talk about something safe and educational: MATH!

(Science show guy is hit by train)

Murderer: DIE, potahto!

Potato: What?

Man1: Hey, man, check out my new dog.

Man2: Oh, yeah, that's pretty cool - Awwwwwww... That's no dog there...

Kid in a dog suit: Arf.

Guy1: Here, hold this. (pulls out gun)

Gun: BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG...

(Second person gets bullet holes in his face but continues to stand completely still)

Mine Turtle: Hello.

I Like Trains Kid: (looks down at turtle)

Mine Turtle: (looks up at kid)

(Guy walks onto screen) Guy: MATH!

(Train hits all of them)

Cop: Hey, kid, you can't skate here!

Skater: You can't tell me what to do!

Mom: Yes he can, Timmy, now listen to the nice man.

Skater: BUT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Mine Turtle: Hello.

Cop: Ahhh, crap.

(All explode)

Man1: Hey, there's a Mine Turtle on the ceiling.

Man2: (Looks up and there is a Mine Turtle on the ceiling) Oh, so there is - Awww, you stole my lungs.

Mine Turtle: Hello.

(Falls down and explodes)

TomSka: I really gotta stop doing drunk science.

Guy: (Is watering plant and the plant catches fire)

(There's a Pointless Button)

(Guy walks up and presses button)

(Presses button again)

(And again)

(And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again)

(NUCLEAR EXPLOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

(Mine Turtle song is playing, and the camera focuses on the singer)

Singer: Mine Turtle travelled 'round the world, from Cairo to Madrid

Saw a gun-totin' potato and the I Hate Trains Kid

(Tomska looks at the singer angrily)

Singer: I know how that sounded, but I couldn't resist... MATH!

(Train hits them both)

(Guy is working at computer)

(Cat jumps up on table)

Cat: Mrow.

Guy: (sits with a poker face and continues typing)

Cat: Mrow.

Guy: Grrrr.

Cat: MMROOOWWWWWW!

Guy: (REALLY ANGRY FACE) OKAY, OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU A TREAT!!!!!

(Guy walks over to jar and tosses a really huge biscuit out of it)

(The biscuit lands on the cat and the cat starts eating it)

(Guy walks back to computer)

About five seconds later...

(Cat appears on desk)

Cat: Mrow

(Guy overturns desk)

Guy1: Quick, shoot me in the face!

Guy2: Sorry, man, I've only got a P99.

Guy1: What's that?

Guy2: It's the worst pistol on the market.

Guy1: Just shoot me already, man.

Guy2: (begins shooting)

(Nothing happens to Guy1)

Guy2: You dead yet?

Guy1: Quick, shoot me in the face!

Guy2: Sorry, man, I've only got a P -

Guy1: Oh, P99, right?

Guy2: (whips out gun) No, P .44 Magnum! (Shoots Guy1 in the face)

Camera dude: (Steps on to stage) Hey, everybody! Check out my new camera! (Pulls out a pistol and begins shooting everybody in turn) Oops. Sorry. Not my prob. Hey, guy, clean up your face.

(Scene changes)

(Five guys step out of an elevator into a crowded airport. They have heavy machine guns.)

Camera dude: Remember - no Russian. (Shouts) HEY EVERYBODY! Check out my new camera! (Begins firing into the crowd with the other guys)

Crowd: SCREAM!!!