User blog:RyuD/Ultrasdf Transcript

Guy: Hey, what'd you get for your birthday?

Birthday Guy: I got pie!

Guy: Hahahaha!

(Birthday Guy rapidly swirls)

Birthday Guy: Hnnnnnggggghhh.. (while he ages)

Guy: AAAAAAAH!

(shift to Birthday Guy as a pie in the oven.)

Guy: That is weird.

(Title Sequence Plays as Dougal Flopguy says EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP)

(static)

Mr. Burger: Hey Joey! You wanna eat me?

Joey: No thanks Mr. Burger!

Mr. Burger: But I wanna die!

(static)

(Guy pulls a light switch. He falls down through a hole.)

Guy:AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Guy: That is weird.

(static)

Girl 1: (holding a knife) Hey, you wanna play catch the knife?

Girl 2: Sure!

(Girl 2 gets stabbed)

Girl 1: Man, You suck at this game!

(static)

(phone rings, guy picks it up, and gun pulls)

Robber: "This is a robbery."

(Guy hangs up)

Guy: AAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

(static)

Clown: Haha! They said I could never teach a llama to drive!

Llama: BAAAAAAAAA--

Clown: No, Llama! Nooo!

(The Llama flies off a cliff.)

(static)

Guy: Hello, Mine Turtle.

Mine Turtle: Hello!

Guy #2: Oh no. I am NOT stepping on you.

(Car crashes and llama runs around screen ramming into Guy #1)

(static)

(A Man presses a button labeled as "Explosive")

Other Guy 1 (in volume 3): Hey, do you have a menu?

(Banjo and Other Guy 2 explodes in volume 3)

Other Guy 1 (in volume 3): Apples!

Man: Hmm.

(static)

Guy (offscreen): Hello, burger!

Burger: I used to be a pie.

Guy(offscreen): Oh, boy! What flavor?

Burger: Pie flavored.

(a tiny pie bursts out of the pie while electric guitar music plays)

Guy(offscreen): Oh.

(Guy lands on the ground from the ceiling and flops face first, Blood splatters out of his body)

(static)

Guy 1: Here, hold this.

(Sticks sword into Guy 2's stomach and walks away)

(static)

Doctor: Sir, you appear to have a very severe case of... baby voice.

Nerd: But it's opposite day.

(Doctor yowls and giggles in his baby voice as he throws his hands around)

(static)

Guy 1: Hey, you want a banana?

Narrator:(offscreen gun shot) HEADSHOT

(static)

Mugger: You're gettin' mugged!(in unison with Kid)

Kid: (shaping hands into "guns") You're getting mugged!(in unison with Mugger.

Mugger: (drops his gun) AAHH! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN WORK?!

(static)

Father: Now son, don't touch that diamond.

(son collects the diamond.)

Father: Pffft. Screw you.

(static)

Mom: Here comes the airplane!

Fat Guy: Oh, I'm so full.

(static)

(Guy 1 returns and takes sword out of Guy 2's stomach.)

Guy 2:AAAAAAAAH!

World:WAH!

(static)

Johnny: Hey, Bobby! Play that one about falling down the stairs!

Bobby: Sure thing Johnny!

(Bobby falls down and up the stairs repeatedly, starting to get a little faster.)

Johnny: I love it!

Mrs. Johnson: I love it!

(static)

Man 1: Heh. Hey guy. Hey. smell my flower.

Man 2: (guy sniffs flower) Mmmmmmm.

(A boxing glove comes out of Man 1's flower and punches Man 2)

Narrator: And now, the funniest thing you've ever seen from really far away.

Other Guy 2 (in volume 3): Oh, I'm so full.

Other Guy 1(in volume 3): You're-

(Other Guy 2 explodes in volume 3)

Other Guy 1 (in volume 3): -fat!

(static)

Serious Guy: I'm going to punch your dog!

(Dog gasps)

Victim:TELL NO ONE!

(Victim punches Serious Guy)

(static)

Police Cop: Hey, kid, you can't skate here!

Skater: You can't tell me what to do!

(Skater falls down through a hole)

Skater: AAAAAAAH!!!

Skater(in volume 3):That is weird.

(static)

TomSka: And now, a cow pretending to be a man.

Cow: Alan, are you a cow?

Alan: What? No.

Cow: Ya, me neither.

Alan: What?

(static)

Billy: I wanna be a pie!

(shift to Billy as a pie in the oven as the oven heats up)

Billy: N-no, No! AAAAAA–

(Billy's grave is shown)

(static)

Guy: Kitten Fight!

Nerd: No, wait! I'm allergic to adorableness!

(Nerd gets hit in the face by a kitten and picks it up, which gives him a really cute face)

Nerd: Aww...

Nerd: But it's opposite day.

(Guy gets hit in the face by a kitten and screams)

(Guy's grave is shown)

(static)

Allergic to Itself: I'm allergic to myself!

(Allergic to Itself's grave is shown)

(static)

Guy 1: Hey. It says "Hey. It says 'Gullible' on the ceiling." on the ceiling.

(Guy 2 looks up. The ceiling clearly says 'Hey. It says 'Gullible' on the ceiling.')

Guy 2: Oh, so it-- ah, you stole my lungs.

Guy 1: Gullible-

(static)

Guy 1: Pffft. Screw gravity.

(A piano starts to float into the air)

Guy 2: Woah!

(The piano hits the ceiling)

(static)

Son:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(static)

Mother: Have you seen Suzie?

Father: No, I think she got outside.

Mother: No, Suzie, don't walk in the road!

Suzie: Look, Mom, I made it! *gets crushed by car offscreen*

(Suzie's grave is shown)

(static)

Snarky Man: Nice hat.

Magician Guy: Thanks!

Snarky Man: I was being sarcastic.

Magician Guy: Well, I stole all faces!

(snarky guy slaps on his blank area where his face was, Magician Guy does the same.)

(static)

(3 Guys slaps on their blank areas where their faces were)

(static)

Father: Hey, son! Catch! (throws ball)

Son: Ok, dad! I'm going to catch it! Ok, dad! I'm going to catch it!

(static)

(Desmond The Moon Bear title screen)

Singers: ''♪ Desmond The Moon Bear! ♪''

Desmond: How did I... get-

(Desmond gets squished by ball. Which never changed size to match perspective)

(static)

(Guy plays trumpet)

Policeman: Hey, you got a license for that?

(Guy silently blows trumpet into his ear, like shooting himself with a gun, killing himself, Policeman is perplexed)

(static)

(Guy is being hit by muffins)

Guy: Aw, man, you ever going to run out of muffins?!

Muffin Man: (Deep French accent) No.

(Guy keeps getting hit by muffins)

(Guy's grave is shown)

(static)

Harold: What are you up to, son?

Ryan: I like trains.

Harold: Hahaha. Yes, you do.

(long and awkward pause)

(Harold gets hit by train)

(static)

Guy 1: Pffft. Screw gravity.

(Guy 1 steps on P Button)

(The screen turns upside down. Guy 1 lands on the ground from the ceiling and flops face first, Blood splatters out of his body. Guy 2 smiles)

(static)

Brian: Hey, Stacy! You wanna go do the prom with me?

Stacy: Uh, I'm sorry, but I'm a ghost.

Brian: But you're not dead.

(Stacy shoots herself in the head with a gun)

(Stacy's spirit floats upwards)

Stacy: Bye, Briaaaaaan.

(static)

Man 1: (Looks angry) Hey, buddy! You wanna take this outside?

Man 2: (Also looks angry) Sure!

(They go outside)

Man 1: (Still looks angry) Wow! What a lovely evening!

Man 2: (Also still looks angry) This was a really good i-

Stacy: Bye, Briaaaaaan.

(Man 1 and Man 2 look up at Stacy's spirit perplexed)

(static)

Orphanage Master: The orphans... They're all dead! What kind of man would do this?!

Father: I did!

(Orphanage Master looks at Father, as the Policeman busts through the door and shoots him.)

(static)

Man 1: Hey. You know who's gay? You.

(Man 2 begins charging at Man 1. The screen goes black saying SCENE MISSING as Man 2 punches Man 1 offscreen)

Man 1: What is wrong with you?! Stop it! Cut it out, Man! I don't want this! Oh, what is happening?! Why would you do this?! I can't even-

(static)

Chair: Honey? Do you like my new shoes?

Harold: You are a chair, darling.

Chair: (yells louder) I CAN DREAM, HAROLD!!!!

(static)

Guy 1: Quick, don't think about cat-

(other man whips out gun and fires)

Mother: Have you seen the baby-

(other man fires again)

(static)

Man: I am lonely.

(static)

(Jim pointing a gun to his head)

Jim: Goodbye, world.

Man 2: No, wait! You have so much to live for!

(static)

Mirror(muffled): Knock, knock!

Man: Who's there?

Mirror:(slamming open on the man) A mirror!

(static)

Waitress: Miss, you need to pay for your food!

Patron: Nope! (walks away)

Mugger:(zips next to Patron) You getting mugged!

(static)

Cake: Aagghhh! (cake falls on the side of table)

(static)

Guy: Pianos!

(A piano crashes on him and does a low note)

Guy: (muffled) Ahhh!!

(cake hits floor, killing himself. Foot steps on cake)

(static)

(Man 1 and Man 2 begin fighting each other)

Moon:Hey! You two should kiss!

(static)

Man: Doctor, I think I might be homosexual.

Doctor: How can you tell?

Man: Well... *starts screaming* AAAAAAHHHHH--

(static)

Larry: What's goin' on, guys?

Archibald: Larry, this is an intervention. You need to stop breaking people's necks!

* Larry snaps Guy 2's neck*

Larry: What are you talkin' about?

Archibald: This intervention.

Larry: AH! AAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

(static)

Doctor: Sir, I'm afraid you have brain cancer.

Narrator: Suddenly, pineapples!

*The Doctor and patient are surrounded by pineapples, the doctor and the patient's heads have been replaced with pineapples*

Doctor: Well, the good news is you don't have brain cancer anymore....

Man: This does not help.

* the patient's pineapple head falls off*

(static)

(dog panting)

Owner: You're a pie!

(shift to the dog as a pie in the oven)

(static)

Conspiracy theorist: Oh no! Giant flying SHEEP-

(Conspiracy theorist gets squished by Stegosaurus)

Stegosaurus: I am a stegosaurus!

(static)

(time machine appears)

(keyboard sounds)

Time Traveler Guy: Aw crap...

(time machine disappears and reappears.)

Time Traveler Guy: It worked!

(time machine goes blue screen)

Time Traveler Guy: Ah! AAAAAAAAAAAH!

(static)